Christmas Day

I started out the day a bit sad, but Ross put his arms around me and told me to stop crying, smile and make the best of it. So we all did!

I still do a Christmas stocking for my boys and I have been buying little bits and pieces for a few months now - I didn't realise quite how much I had to stuff into their stocking! When they were little, I would buy cheap $2 shop stuff but now they have more expensive tastes, so I tend to buy snack food treats eg Lindt chocolate, or a new range of crackers etc.

I fetched my Mom about midday and then we all opened presents .... and I forgot to take photos! Lunch was a bit late, but it didn't matter because we enjoyed it anyway. And we had a good day too!

Me and my new coffee pot!

Tried to get a good photo of them today!

Today I have taken a boot load of mine and my mom's stuff to the dump and it feels good to have accomplished something. Little steps every day

My son

Can I tell you about my awesome son? Some of you will remember my Christmas stocking dilemma. Someone suggested that I give them money to go shopping. I suggested that and they thought it was a great idea to take $30 each and go and spend it on me

Backtrack to my broken coffee pot - it lost its handle about a year ago and has irritated me every single day! I went looking at new ones and the same size one had gone up nearly $30! But the next size down was $90. I decided not to buy it

Twice my older son has asked me for the $30 to go shopping. I said to him that maybe what I should do is take the $30 each that I would have given each of them to shop and just add in another $30 of my own and I could have my new coffee pot.

He went one better - he said the two of them would each give me $15 towards the coffee pot so "my" $30 would not be necessary. I came home with the pot today and he took it immediately to his bedroom as he said that was for Christmas day!

What a silver lining in all this mess that surrounds my life! Time for me to focus on my awesome sons

Can't wait for Xmas Day!

There we'll sit for the first time ever: my mother without her husband; me without my husband and my two teenage sons without their father or grandfather.

How am I going to put on a smiling face and pretend that it's all going to be okay? I wish I could just magic the day away

Moving forward

Today I joined the gym! Yes, you heard right ... fat, unfit Jenny joined the gym. I will go for a half-hour session every week starting next Wednesday. It's a bit of a different gym in that they have a few people at a time, personal train you, and then move on to the the next person. I am very nervous as I haven't been in a gym for a hundred years. I don't even have any clothes or shoes to wear!

Then, I'm going to take charge of my eating and drinking. Cut back on food, not eat it just because it's there or because it's nice. And cut back on drinking - two or three glasses or a bottle a night is not good for me. There - I've said it - I drink a lot. Except tonight - I may need to drink tonight. I'm scared that I may even want to drink too many sleeping tablets tonight too

Right now, I am praying for an outcome that I want, an outcome that will make me happy, an outcome that will take work, trust, and effort and love. Please pray for that outcome for me

Never

Never have I felt so broken hearted before.

Actually I wish I could die

I never realised that there could be so much pain in my heart; not to mention the anger and hurt and bitterness I feel.

I am torn to pieces and ripped to shreds

How can I love someone yet hate them so much at the same time?

Will the hurt ever go away?

Christmas Cupcakes

I decided I wanted to make red cupcakes with white icing for morning tea at school ..... mainly because I found theses really cute sprinkles: red and white minty tasting candy canes; and red and green trees. I was going to use a red velvet cake recipe but then decided that I could just use our family chocolate cake recipe. The original recipe calls for a whole bottle of red food colouring! The mixture very red and Colin, who tasted it, said that he expected it to taste like strawberries

When they came out the oven they had darkened up a bit ... because of the cocoa

Iced! I bought some icing whitener but ended up having to use all of it for this icing mix. I am going to try another brand next time. Aren't the sprinkles cute?!

Cut open - a rich deep red in a chocolate cupcake

Can't wait to try one!

A while

It's been a while!

Last Saturday Ross and I worked as electoral agents in the General Election. We had to be a at our polling booth at 8am to set up. All the furniture (except the chairs) are cardboard and slot together really well. Then we were set to open at 9am. We had a steady stream of voters all day - just over 400 voted in the 10 hours. Some of those were special votes and that was my job lots of boxes etc to complete and I had to remember to do all of that! At 7pm we closed the door and then started balancing our issues pads. Then we had to count the voted and we had to balance. We finished around 8.30pm and left at 9pm. It was a very interesting day

This morning I was enjoying my usual weekend treat - coffee in bed while I watch the TV and surf the net for a bit when my neighbour knocked on the door to tell me that my Dad's Mitsubishi that Ross drives had been broken into! As had her car. The nuisance kids broke the little triangular window at the back and opened the glove box to see what they could find. Nothing of course! So that's another $150 - $200 on top of the servicing earlier this week that cost me $357

And the cherry on the top - a nice big earthquake tonight! We heard it coming, the house shook, stopped and then started shaking again. The big red star shows where it was. A nice 5.7shake 60km down but was felt up and down both Islands. We are fine: couple of TVs moved, some small things fell off the shelves, and a pot fell off the pot stand. We are fine but got a fright - it's the worst I've felt in 15 years in Wellington

Next year must get better for me!